The One Algorithm AI Can't Run: A User Manual for Human Connection

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The One Algorithm AI Can't Run: A User Manual for Human Connection

Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg

Hannah Ren

Jan 13, 2026

Morning, CEO!

I know, I know. You haven’t even finished your first coffee, and I’m already handing you the keys to the castle.

But here is the reality of January 2026: Your AI staff can write the code, draft the emails, and probably even hallucinate a better strategy deck than you can.

But there is one thing the machines are still terrible at.

They have zero chill.

They can simulate conversation, but they can’t feel the room.

Today, we are looking at Charles Duhigg’s Supercommunicators. Because while your digital interns are churning out output, your job is to master the one algorithm they can’t run: The Human Connection Protocol.

1. The Brain Bluetooth

I am an engineer. I like things that are logical. If Input A goes in, Output B should come out.

But for the first 40 years of my life, social interaction felt like I was feeding Input A into a black box, and the output was usually “awkward silence” or “Hannah, why would you say that?”

I used to think “socially gifted” people—let’s call them Social Wizards—were just born with a magic gene.

Duhigg says that is nonsense.

It turns out, connection is biological. It’s called Neural Entrainment.

Scientists did this weird experiment where they made people watch movie clips (including one of a bald guy yelling at a blonde guy—science is wild) and then put them in groups to discuss it.

They scanned everyone’s brains.

In the groups that failed to agree, everyone’s brain waves looked like chaotic scribbles.

But in the groups that clicked? The brain waves actually synchronized. The electrical pulses in their heads started firing in the exact same patterns.

Basically, Brain Bluetooth.

Now, here is the part that blew my mind and explains why my previous strategy failed.

I used to think the best way to lead a conversation was to be the “Alpha.” You know, talk the most, be the most confident, steer the ship.

The data says the Alpha is actually the connection killer.

In the experiment, the groups with a dominant, loud leader had the least amount of neural sync. The “Alpha” actually forced everyone else into their own isolated mental silos.

The real Social Wizards were the ones who barely spoke about themselves. They asked questions. They laughed at the awkward moments. They admitted they were confused.

They weren’t steering the ship; they were the WiFi routers making sure everyone else was online.

2. The Three Boxes (And Why I’m Usually in the Wrong One)

The biggest reason I—and probably you—fail at connection isn’t because we are dumb. It’s because we are having the wrong conversation.

Duhigg explains that every conversation falls into one of three specific boxes.

Box 1: The Practical Box (”What’s this really about?”)

This is logic. Planning. Strategy.

“How do we fix this bug?”

“Where should we go for lunch?”

Box 2: The Emotional Box (”How do we feel?”)

This is feelings. Venting. Empathy.

“I am overwhelmed by the sheer number of tacos.”

“My boss is a reptile.”

Box 3: The Social Box (”Who are we?”)

This is identity. Tribe. Gossip.

“Did you hear about Dave?”

“I am a person who loves tacos.”

Here is the disaster scenario.

Someone comes to you in Box 2 (Emotional). They say, “I am so exhausted, this client is draining my soul.”

If you are me, your Engineer Brain immediately jumps into Box 1 (Practical). You say, “You should fire them. Or raise your rates. Here is a three-step plan.”

You think you are being helpful. You think you are a hero.

But to the other person, you are a monster.

Their brain is running emotional software (Amygdala), and you are trying to upload a spreadsheet (Prefrontal Cortex). The file formats are incompatible. Error 404: Connection Not Found.

The counter-intuitive insight here?

You cannot move someone out of a box until you climb in there with them first.

If they are emotional, you have to be emotional. If they are gossiping (Social), you can’t lecture them on productivity (Practical).

You have to match their frequency first. Only then can you guide them somewhere else.

3. Energy Matching and the Mammoth

So, how do we actually do this “matching” thing without looking like a mimic?

NASA figured this out.

When they were screening astronauts, they noticed that the most successful candidates—the ones people wanted to be trapped in a tin can with for a year—had a specific laugh habit.

It wasn’t just that they laughed. It was Energy Matching.

If the interviewer laughed loudly, the candidate laughed loudly.

If the interviewer chuckled softly, the candidate chuckled softly.

It sounds manipulative, but it’s actually an ancient survival mechanism.

Inside our brains, we all have a Social Survival Mammoth. This Mammoth is terrified of being kicked out of the tribe because, in 10,000 BC, that meant getting eaten by a lion.

When we talk to someone, our Mammoth is constantly asking: “Are we safe? Are we the same?”

When you energy match—when you match someone’s volume, their speed, and their intensity—you are telling their Mammoth: “Yes. We are the same. Put down the spear.”

This even applies to the dreaded “Gossip”.

I used to think gossip was shallow. I thought I was above it.

But Duhigg points out that for most of human history, knowing who was sleeping with whom or who stole the extra meat was literally life-or-death data.

Gossip isn’t a character flaw; it’s a trust test.

When someone gossips with you, they are offering you a piece of “Social Currency.”

If you reject it (by staying in the Practical Box and saying “I don’t care about rumors”), you aren’t being noble. You are telling their Mammoth: “I am not in your tribe.”

So, the next time someone complains to you, don’t fix it. Don’t judge it.

Just match it.